Menopausal Moodiness…


…I don’t fucking think so.

Oop’s!

Did I say that out loud? MY BAD!

I think women across the nation, hell, across the world, have been badgered into believing this by our husbands, children, bosses, enemies, and we certainly can’t leave out the pharmaceutical companies, right?

Hell…without us hormonally imbalanced women, imagine what would happen to their profit margin.

Can’t they just face the fact that sometimes we just wake up plain old bitchy on occasion?

The fact is, we have our good days, and we have our bad days!

AND HELLO…

Some of the bad days get handed to us on a fucking silver platter, right?

It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that everyone in your house:

1. leaves every cupboard they open open

2. leaves the fridge door open just a crack so that everything is pre-warmed before cooking

3. leaves their clothes wherever they happen to land because they know the laundry fairy will be by soon (and by-God they know she comes every day)

4. leaves their bed unmade

5. leaves their dirty dishes wherever they’ve recently eaten

6. leaves the milk out after breakfast so that when you finally take a minute for yourself to have that refreshing afternoon cup of tea–it dribbles out in clumps.

ASSHOLES!

It couldn’t possibly be that, when the hubby looks at you with those puppy dog eyes because he’s got a boner that needs some attention, you’ve got to somehow conjure up enough energy just so you can shake your head NO because you still have to finish everything on their mommy/honey-do lists!

It couldn’t possibly be that we have to somehow fit our ‘outside life’ into our ‘inside life’ like it’s no big deal? Like we can do our eight hours at work, then do another eight at home just to catch up?

NO FUCKING PROBLEM, RIGHT?

Some days I have to attend a meeting at my local Bitches Anonymous just to blow off steam so I won’t take the law into my own hands! (These meetings are usually standing room only by the way!) Actually, I hate going to these meetings because they’re such bitches it doesn’t leave me much room to shine!

But I digress…

Every once in a while you have that SPECIAL, MAGICAL day you’re always dreaming of.

You know, the one that:

A. doesn’t include a single hot-flash where you can steam vegetable just by pressing them up against your skin.

B. doesn’t include pee escaping your vaginal canal unexpectedly ruining your God-given right to sit without having to cross your legs to hide the shameful fact that you’ve lost control of your vaginal muscles.

C. Your hair somehow becomes manageable leaving you looking less Medusa like.

…or for once…

D. Clothes that don’t try to take you out at the waist by strangling you or causing that gas bubble to erupt at the most inopportune time.

We live for those days, right girls?

…to be continued!


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