While visiting my mother in Canada last winter, it was so cold, I got arrested for accidentally keying her neighbor’s car with my nipples!
When the judge asked to see the weapon, I removed my shirt!
He sat there stone faced, then picked up the gavel, slammed it down on his bench and told me that all charges were dismissed!
ME: Thank you your Honor!
JUDGE: Not so fast young lady. I need to see you in my chambers…immediately!