Girl in the flower department of my grocery store:
GIRL: We have a special today on Peonies!
Me: (smile turns to giggle turns to laughter) Me too, now!
Worst part about night time hot flashes…
When you want to throw the covers off, but you’ve been hearing the buzz of that one fucking mosquito that’s been buzzing around your head for more than an hour!
You know it’s spring and time to shave when you look at your vagina and realize that you are now qualified for a starring cameo appearance on Duck Dynasty!
I was out the other day and a woman standing next to me asked me ‘how far along are you?’
I had no idea what she was talking about until I looked down and realized the underwire in my bra had finally given out and one of my girls had slipped out the bottom and was resting comfortably around my belly button.
Girl Arrested For Smuggling Gun Into Prison In Her Vagina…
Hell…I’m pretty menopausal!
If it weren’t for that bloody hair trigger, I’d probably be packin’ all the time!