LAUNCH DAY!!! The HOPE Project

2016-04-17 10.27.42



The ‘HOPE’ Project’s goal is to inspire those who may be losing hope, losing themselves or losing the idea that life might never be different for them! This could be your mother, your father, your brother, your sister or your best friend. Or, it could be someone you cross paths with by chance.

It’s incredibly simple to participate. All you have to do is purchase a copy of
‘Rest, Relax, Restore’ An Inspirational Healing Coloring Book for yourself (Available on AMAZON) and an extra 1 that you can bundle with a pack of colored pencils and a pencil sharpener. Bag the coloring book, pencils and sharpener in a clear plastic freezer bag and throw it in your car or your purse so that the next time you see someone who seems down on their luck or out of sorts you can give them this gift! It will be paying your own good fortune forward!!! ( You might also include a gift card to a local eatery or your local grocery store so that you provide at least one meal for them if your choice is someone who may be homeless!)

Sometimes, all it takes is a kind gesture to brighten up someone’s day. To make them feel like someone cared for them, even if it was just for one moment. Sometimes that one moment can make a huge difference!

My deepest, heartfelt hope for this project is that WE CAN ALL HELP INSPIRE at least one person who crosses our path!

Compassion. Empathy. Mindfulness. Kindness.
That’s what should make the world go round!

THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING! Please note that a portion of the money raised from the book will be funding bundles of books to go to shelters, rehabs and food gift cards.

Jacqui Brown



Facebook Friends…

…really, really piss me off sometimes. They spout off with their daily accomplishments like we should all give a shit.

Well, I’ve had it.

This letter is to my friend Ruth.


Did I just use your real name.


Sorry about that! It just kind of slipped out (on purpose).

From here on in the world will only know you as “The Gourmet Bitch…who works a gazillion hours a week, tends to her children and husbands needs, runs marathon’s, yet can still manage to rush home from a 14 hour flight after a business trip and whip up something that I would pay a lot of money for at one of fabulous eateries here in Los Angeles!


Well, fuck you very much!

This letter speaks for all the other women in the world who can’t, or don’t cook like you, or don’t want to cook like you, you desert serving bit……..

I digress!

Your updates on Facebook make me feel like a completely inadequate moron in the kitchen.

I stoled these from your page just to make my point!

“Just got home from New York. Busy Week. Great seeing and spending time with my family tonightEnjoyed eating dinner outside this evening since it was way too hot to eat indoors. Made Bourbon buffalo wings, corn on the cob, roasted summer vegetables, and peach cobbler for dessert!”

“I’ve been working hard this week. Did a marathon prep, flew to New York, Atlanta, Florida, San Francisco, Japan, Costa Rico, Bali, Australia, England, Paris, but was thinking about being in my kitchen the whole time. Got home late but needed to chill so I prepared grilled salmon in a shallot, garlic, wine, dijon mustard, and wine sauce. Served this with sauteedmushrooms, rice pilaf, and mesculen salad with mandarins and raisins. Mixed berries for dessert.”

“Just ran a 4000 mile marathon, couldn’t wait to get home. We celebrated the beginning of summer by having a family barbecue tonight on the patio. Turkey burgers with avocado, garlic fries, and corn on the cob were on the menu.”



First day of summer we also had a fiesta.  I served up two-day-old re-heated hot dogs because I hate throwing out perfectly good left overs. I also managed to use up all the little ketchup packages left over from Burger King runs! Finished off with a bowl of ice cubes, covered in chocolate syrup, with a ‘just about ready to toss‘ strawberry on top! My family believes me when I tell them I peel the berries for easier digestion.  The reality is, I can’t stand throwing them out just because they have a few little black spots on them here and there. Mm-mm-yummy!

Oh, and did I mention we used real cloth napkins instead of paper towels. My kids eyes lit up when the saw them because they know I only use them when I’ve gone all out. 

The ice-cube dessert was the piece de-resistance (and absolutely necessary)  because I’d accidentally spilled a bottle of hot sauce on the dogs before I threw them on the grill. Not talking B-B-Que either. You see, I found this amazing pan I can put on the stove. It adds those little grill marks so it looks like I’ve gone the extra mile for them. Before anyone actually gets to the kitchen after I bellow that dinner is ready, I rush outside, open and close the grill, shutting it loud enough for even my neighbors to here so the facade of grilling is what they’ll recall later in life when talking about my prowess as a Gourmet cook.

My children accepted years ago that gourmet cooking meant that that can of Chef-Boy-R-Dee came from the ‘special’ shelf at the grocery store.  

And then…….get this!

I recently hit the mother lode, when they announced they were adding a whole serving of vegetable to each can of Ravioli, Spagetti-O’s, and the rest of their gourmet’ line.

Not only did they love it, they really, truly appreciated the presentation.  Since they’re such fast food junkies, meaning they’ll eat anything that comes in a bag or box, I went to great pains to salvage dozens of take out bags from the trash. I spent countless hours getting the grease stains or ketchup off the bag so it would appear good as new.

Their familiarity of said bags has always made my job infinitely easier. You see, it really didn’t matter what I put inside. Whatever was in the bag was going to be Godhead in their stomach. My youngin’s would look at me like I was a Goddess in the kitchen!


My only mistake was friending them on Facebook!

This is not good.

They’ve seen your posts. Or rather, they’ve devoured your posts!

Now I have to really fucking cook because they sit in the kitchen with me, thank you very much!

The premise for this is that they want to spend more time with me now, just like you guys do. They want to help me. So much for my dreams about the empty nest! I can’t even have an empty kitchen now because of you!

As much as I like you I’ve no alternative but to un-friend you.



Life Throws Us A Challenge Once In A While…

So many times we get caught up in everyday life we forget to smell the tulips.

Sometimes we don’t want to smell the FREAKING TULIPS because we are susceptible to bloody sinus allergies [or so we tell ourselves] so we simply negate these urges and file them safely away into the mental vault we call our subconscious. It is our way of sidelining all the shit we don’t want to deal with–good, bad, or indifferent. So I was thinking to myself…Okay…I was talking to myself and somehow convinced myself to set up a challenge in regards to writing. 


So, what is this going to entail you might wonder? I’m sure many of you won’t really give a shit but I thought it might be a fun way to work out my next book.   EGADS! Another project!!!!! WTF?

Oh well, perhaps this is the final moment where I embrace my Attention Deficit Disorder. I hope to create some essays here that will allow anyone who might chance upon this blog, to understand how the mind of a warped mother works. Please feel free to leave any comments, good, bad, or indifferent because my sorry ass always needs motivation!

The font changes are here to serve a purpose, they are not just liberally added so it’s colorful. If you read together it tells another story, or the same story in a slightly different way. I did tell you I was warped didn’t I?

So stay tuned, the best is yet to come! [Ewww…did I say come publicly?]