“Dancing With The Devil”

Award winning debut novel by Jacqueline Brown. Now available at all on-line book stores in Hardcover, Paperback, and Kindle, or you can order it from your local bookseller.

“IN MOTHERHOOD WE ARE INVINCIBLE

EXCEPT FOR THAT WHICH TOUCHES OUR CHILDREN

WE FALL

WE FALL HARD SOMETIMES

AND SOMETIMES WE SHATTER”

READER COMMENTS:



“Just got it delivered….read the first sonata and was so moved, blown away I had to put it down…….we know the truth when we see it. The book has left me speechless; it is so brave, profound and poignant;  a glorious meditation. I pray you have huge success with this, it is a masterpiece.”

“I just finished reading your book. On a scale from 1 to 5, it is a 10!

It is written beautifully and with an honesty that
punched me in the gut.  I can’t stop thinking about it.
It’s heart wrenching and filled with feeling.
Every parent should read it and it should be read by any
person in recovery.”
_________________________________________________________________________________________

“Wow…that is strong stuffHard to recommend for a couple of

days because I’d have to explain my haggard look by saying I’d read a book

that, literally, I could not put down and sat with until dawn.”


“It’s chilling…raw…a must read.”

Here is an excerpt from

“Dancing With The Devil”

_________________________________________________

An Angel Dances…

Moments inky with despair

A longing to be set free

Where in the world do the worldly goods fill the space

Where blood drips steadily leaving me weak,

lonely,

scared

The sound of muscles flexed pound in my brain

Waiting for my own to spring

Waiting, waiting, for what I don’t know

Pain includes the pleasure

Each step taking me backwards into oblivion

Dark angels everywhere

I close my eyes to obliterate

but they seek solace deep inside

Hovering like clouds

ready to spring the rain into black ice

But lightness befalls me only on one day

When the darkness seeks to come to conclusion

Drive off the road, hit the tree, it’s over

But the answer’s not there

Step, step

Keep stepping until you see the light

my mind begs of me

Let it embrace the dark soul,

the broken heart,

the sickening pain within

It’s right there in front

But my eyes cannot see

I have forbade them this simple pleasure

of seeing it’s light

But it persists

I am aware

I fight

My soul screams

as the pain transcends my heart

and moves

swiftly towards my legs,

now heavy, still moving, but slower

I can feel you reaching out

A light breeze tempts me to move towards

what I cannot see—but imagine

I want, I want, I want

But I am frozen here in the darkness

Help me I scream silent, take me to the light

Let me feel something more

Let me step towards you and feel your light

You are on my skin and it’s velvet

The darkness against my paleness becomes blurred

and I accept what will come

Slowly, ever so slowly I let you dance

and you do it so bravely

I wonder why I never learned to dance like that

Is this a dream come to save me

as life unfolds unexpectedly horrifying,

no control to be had as the spiral of evil spins its web

Open my eyes—you disappear

It’s safe in here, in the dark, don’t blink

I can almost believe, at least I try to,

that you will save me from sure uncertainty

Come to me, hold me, lead me, save me

The voices are soft inside my head

but are they real

You nudge—no—push to make me see you are here

Gifted and guided towards this moment

to save a girl like me

I trust this even briefly

My eyes slowly seek you out and you are there,

really there in front and center

And it’s warm here, safe and pure,

and I trust this

But should I

But how to explain

There are no wings, only velvet and dark skin

An essence so real

I feel it ripple like a stone across water

It runs through my body, more deep to my soul

Can you save me I wonder, am I worthy

Words fall from your lips soft and sure

I question my sanity for listening like I do

Why now and from where

How did you come here, how did you know

Why me

Tears shift from pain

but flow steadily because you came,

you came just for me

Take my hand and lead me so I can walk,

so I can follow,

so I can have something tangible to grasp at

The light springs brighter and my heart lifts gently,

slowly

Could there be happiness left somewhere deep inside

An angel on my path

Why now—to save me, bring the light back—

release the doubt of a time gone wrong

What took so long

I’m weary from the journey I spill into the wind

All things in time I hear you whisper,

as though you know my pain,

as though you know who I am

You’ve been waiting for me to call to you

I’ve been screaming

Are you deaf

What took so long

All things in time you whisper again

wrapping your wings around what now trembles—

my body

I will walk with you on this journey you know

if you will open your eyes

See me—I’m here, I always have been—

you were blind with rage

I want, I want, I want to let go, feel more

But the fear lingers,

holds tight as it has for longer than I can remember

Trust you, trust in you

I wonder where it will lead

Let me think—the alternative no longer exists

There is no safety in my choices

Only a quiet death can sate what I cannot

You whisper again and again and I feel the wall tremble

My heart stutters and shifts to something new

Let me in I hear as your breath exhales

Trust me—trust yourself

I can help you heal, save you from yourself

But am I worth saving I’ve wondered all my life

Am I worthy of what you offer

Can I accept you here, now, perhaps too late

Lead me to believe you are

what I’ve needed my whole life

So I can lift the doubts hovering at the surface

The ones that keeps the chill in my bones,

the lump in my throat

Again the touch—velvet and warm

You are here in every way—

your eyes speak loudly, soundlessly

Let me rest at your side—

always and the light will come,

surround you—keep you safe

I will never leave if you take me in, covet me

I close my eyes once

Blink

You are still there

Your brown skin is alluring

in the whiteness that surrounds you

You truly have come to save a mortal

so lost in distrust and ambiguity

Does the journey always lead to God

I wonder out loud

No—not always,

but surely to the soul where the doubt lies in wait

It comes on a breeze—this message,

and I hear it loud and clear

Even if it only comes as a whisper on the surface

I let it surround me and feel the stirrings of hope embrace me

Oh, could there be peace here

I reach out to touch and you are real

Not what I imagined, not what I expected

Short of our differences you are me somehow

A mirror to reflect what I don’t want to face,

what I don’t want to see,

what I don’t want to believe

You take my hand so gently and I am grateful

I’ll be here forever if you let me

I will keep you safe, I will covet your heart but not in sin

Let me in and you will see there’s a promise there

I reach deep within and open a door

slammed shut long ago

by whatever forces threatened

so I could keep the devil on the run

I feel you move inside and it’s lovely,

strange, and peaceful

I will walk with you inside my angel

who came to save a soul like me

Questions rise and fall from quivering lips

as I begin to trust in what is unfamiliar,

in what I’ve never allowed

Show me to live a life

where shadows don’t fall like blood on a wound

Show me to move towards the light—not sure death

I will be here in front—

behind

beside you every moment you breathe I hear you whisper

Borrow from my strength when your knees threaten,

when your heart breaks,

when you want something to hold onto

I will be here in front—behind—beside you

I trust—I trust for you to keep your word, your promise

Save me from myself

From what has come

From the poison that taints my world,

her world,

and I will always believe in me,

in you—

Take my hand, let the journey begin

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