“Dancing With The Devil”

Award winning debut novel by Jacqueline Brown. Now available at all on-line book stores in Hardcover, Paperback, and Kindle, or you can order it from your local bookseller.

“IN MOTHERHOOD WE ARE INVINCIBLE

EXCEPT FOR THAT WHICH TOUCHES OUR CHILDREN

WE FALL

WE FALL HARD SOMETIMES

AND SOMETIMES WE SHATTER”

READER COMMENTS:

“Just got it delivered….read the first sonata and was so moved, blown away I had to put it down…….we know the truth when we see it. The book has left me speechless; it is so brave, profound and poignant;  a glorious meditation. I pray you have huge success with this, it is a masterpiece.”

“I just finished reading your book. On a scale from 1 to 5, it is a 10! It is written beautifully and with an honesty that punched me in the gut.  I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s heart wrenching and filled with feeling. Every parent should read it and it should be read by any person in recovery.” _________________________________________________________________________________________ “Wow…that is strong stuff! Hard to recommend for a couple of days because I’d have to explain my haggard look by saying I’d read a book that, literally, I could not put down and sat with until dawn.” “It’s chilling…raw…a must read.” Here is an excerpt from “Dancing With The Devil” _________________________________________________ An Angel Dances… Moments inky with despair A longing to be set free Where in the world do the worldly goods fill the space Where blood drips steadily leaving me weak, lonely, scared The sound of muscles flexed pound in my brain Waiting for my own to spring Waiting, waiting, for what I don’t know Pain includes the pleasure Each step taking me backwards into oblivion Dark angels everywhere I close my eyes to obliterate but they seek solace deep inside Hovering like clouds ready to spring the rain into black ice But lightness befalls me only on one day When the darkness seeks to come to conclusion Drive off the road, hit the tree, it’s over But the answer’s not there Step, step Keep stepping until you see the light my mind begs of me Let it embrace the dark soul, the broken heart, the sickening pain within It’s right there in front But my eyes cannot see I have forbade them this simple pleasure of seeing it’s light But it persists I am aware I fight My soul screams as the pain transcends my heart and moves swiftly towards my legs, now heavy, still moving, but slower I can feel you reaching out A light breeze tempts me to move towards what I cannot see—but imagine I want, I want, I want But I am frozen here in the darkness Help me I scream silent, take me to the light Let me feel something more Let me step towards you and feel your light You are on my skin and it’s velvet The darkness against my paleness becomes blurred and I accept what will come Slowly, ever so slowly I let you dance and you do it so bravely I wonder why I never learned to dance like that Is this a dream come to save me as life unfolds unexpectedly horrifying, no control to be had as the spiral of evil spins its web Open my eyes—you disappear It’s safe in here, in the dark, don’t blink I can almost believe, at least I try to, that you will save me from sure uncertainty Come to me, hold me, lead me, save me The voices are soft inside my head but are they real You nudge—no—push to make me see you are here Gifted and guided towards this moment to save a girl like me I trust this even briefly My eyes slowly seek you out and you are there, really there in front and center And it’s warm here, safe and pure, and I trust this But should I But how to explain There are no wings, only velvet and dark skin An essence so real I feel it ripple like a stone across water It runs through my body, more deep to my soul Can you save me I wonder, am I worthy Words fall from your lips soft and sure I question my sanity for listening like I do Why now and from where How did you come here, how did you know Why me Tears shift from pain but flow steadily because you came, you came just for me Take my hand and lead me so I can walk, so I can follow, so I can have something tangible to grasp at The light springs brighter and my heart lifts gently, slowly Could there be happiness left somewhere deep inside An angel on my path Why now—to save me, bring the light back— release the doubt of a time gone wrong What took so long I’m weary from the journey I spill into the wind All things in time I hear you whisper, as though you know my pain, as though you know who I am You’ve been waiting for me to call to you I’ve been screaming Are you deaf What took so long All things in time you whisper again wrapping your wings around what now trembles— my body I will walk with you on this journey you know if you will open your eyes See me—I’m here, I always have been— you were blind with rage I want, I want, I want to let go, feel more But the fear lingers, holds tight as it has for longer than I can remember Trust you, trust in you I wonder where it will lead Let me think—the alternative no longer exists There is no safety in my choices Only a quiet death can sate what I cannot You whisper again and again and I feel the wall tremble My heart stutters and shifts to something new Let me in I hear as your breath exhales Trust me—trust yourself I can help you heal, save you from yourself But am I worth saving I’ve wondered all my life Am I worthy of what you offer Can I accept you here, now, perhaps too late Lead me to believe you are what I’ve needed my whole life So I can lift the doubts hovering at the surface The ones that keeps the chill in my bones, the lump in my throat Again the touch—velvet and warm You are here in every way— your eyes speak loudly, soundlessly Let me rest at your side— always and the light will come, surround you—keep you safe I will never leave if you take me in, covet me I close my eyes once Blink You are still there Your brown skin is alluring in the whiteness that surrounds you You truly have come to save a mortal so lost in distrust and ambiguity Does the journey always lead to God I wonder out loud No—not always, but surely to the soul where the doubt lies in wait It comes on a breeze—this message, and I hear it loud and clear Even if it only comes as a whisper on the surface I let it surround me and feel the stirrings of hope embrace me Oh, could there be peace here I reach out to touch and you are real Not what I imagined, not what I expected Short of our differences you are me somehow A mirror to reflect what I don’t want to face, what I don’t want to see, what I don’t want to believe You take my hand so gently and I am grateful I’ll be here forever if you let me I will keep you safe, I will covet your heart but not in sin Let me in and you will see there’s a promise there I reach deep within and open a door slammed shut long ago by whatever forces threatened so I could keep the devil on the run I feel you move inside and it’s lovely, strange, and peaceful I will walk with you inside my angel who came to save a soul like me Questions rise and fall from quivering lips as I begin to trust in what is unfamiliar, in what I’ve never allowed Show me to live a life where shadows don’t fall like blood on a wound Show me to move towards the light—not sure death I will be here in front— behind beside you every moment you breathe I hear you whisper Borrow from my strength when your knees threaten, when your heart breaks, when you want something to hold onto I will be here in front—behind—beside you I trust—I trust for you to keep your word, your promise Save me from myself From what has come From the poison that taints my world, her world, and I will always believe in me, in you— Take my hand, let the journey begin