Another reason to hate menopause and out of whack hormones…
…nicking your nipple while shaving!
Monthly Archives: April 2014
Fuck Yes…
I know, I know!
This is not the funny I usually post here but, WHATEVER…
THIS MADE ME CRY THIS AFTERNOON!!!
Makes the writer part of me feel like it’s all worth it!
Jacqui, Jacqui, Jacqui! Jacqui Brown. Yesterday I finished “Trying To Avoid Cars”, and immediately began reading “The Long Road to Heaven”. OMG! I will never look at dogs the same way again. Thank goodness you sent both books, because having to stop at the end of TTAC without the sequel would have been torture!!!!
Your writing is amazing! You captured the essence of the canine species; their emotions, their habits, their physical attributes.
The “layers” in the sequel, that brought out the story and plight of others like HeyYouYeahYou, Leo & Cramer, and the deer were so well presented; I felt like I was on the journey with Beau. You are a gifted writer.
Please add another volume to Beau’s life. Pleeeeease??!!! THANK YOU!!! All dog lovers should read these books.
Self-Medication…
I was at my pharmacy this afternoon…
….naaaah, just kidding
….I was at the liquor store!
Meno-fucking-pause…
Today is already starting to feel like one of those ‘I’M GOING TO NEED BAIL MONEY’ days.
I’m off to Home Depot to pick up a few more shovels, a box of gloves and a few more rolls of duct tape!
Feel free to hit me up on Paypal!
I Mean Seriously…
obviously the world’s most ridiculous product.
I have yet to re-cork a bottle of wine!
Enemies…pfft!
Sometimes I feel compelled to hug my worst enemies!
I have to admit, I do it for very selfish reasons.
It’s the one unsuspecting way to know how big to dig the hole in my backyard!
Wearing My Big Girl Pants…
I used to think wearing panties that matched my bra or wearing socks that were somewhat related to each other was pretty awesome!
Now, if I can find underwear that still have enough elastic in the waistband to keep them up, I think I’ve really gotten my life together!
Bitches And Bullets…
I accidentally walked into some kind of weight lifters meeting at Starbucks the other day while wearing a sleeveless top!
One of the females looked at me and my flappy arm and kind of shook her head.
So in a sign of solidarity I raised my arms and flexed my guns.
She came over and pulled on that flappy little thing on my underarm, which shocked me a little.
HER: “What’s that?”
ME: “It’s where I keep the bullets bitch!”
Pfft….
True Dat…
They should come with some kind of warning label, right?
Prom Season Corsages Will Whet Your Appetite…
Leave it to KFC, the world leader in fast food chicken, to come up with the perfect Prom corsage.
The Drumstick Corsage will be available in regular or crispy batter.
Actually,I totally dig the drumstick thing because, who the fuck in their right mind would want to wear a thigh or a breast on their wrist!
"SHIT MY VAGINA SAYS" by Jacqui Brown 